PMD (Post Movie Depression)
Whenever I go and see a movie with some great hero who defeats all evil in the name of good I leave it feeling utterly depressed.
At the time I love it – we’ve just seen Harry Potter Order of the Phoenix, and whilst it’s nothing on the book it was a decent flick. However, as soon as the credits roll I start to feel glum and un-special. I’m no Harry Potter, the magical Hogwarts doesn’t exist, and really I’ve got nothing at all which sets me apart from the rest of the rabble we call humanity.
I get this feeling every time I watch a movie. It’s like some reaction to seeing greatness. All of a sudden I realise that I’m not doing shit, that I’m just living my life and that I’m not actually making an impact on the world. I start thinking up how cool it would be to build a castle up on some mountain somewhere and open it up as a school for technical wizards. We can teach bright young wizards (aka nerds/dweebs/geeks) how to wrangle the magics of computer wizardry. We could have transfiguration classes which focus on types and polymorphism, defence against the dark arts classes which focus on secure networking, and a virtual world in which magic (i.e. computer skills) are put to the test via duels and CPUidditch (a peculiar game where two teams attempting to guide worms and virus’ into their opponent’s network)….
See I know I’ve got a wicked (as in good) imagination, and I really feel like I should be able to use it somehow. However I can not write (as you can tell) and I can not draw/paint/sculpt etc. I can code, and a little imagination goes a long way when solving problems, but I’m no genius there. Poetry is fun but I don’t have the word-smithing skills needed for that either. I feel like I have a gift, but I’m not using it. And obviously I have deep seated delusions of grandeur which are exposed and raw after I watch a movie.