PMD (Post Movie Depression)

Ponderings, Technology August 15th, 2007

Whenever I go and see a movie with some great hero who defeats all evil in the name of good I leave it feeling utterly depressed.

At the time I love it – we’ve just seen Harry Potter Order of the Phoenix, and whilst it’s nothing on the book it was a decent flick. However, as soon as the credits roll I start to feel glum and un-special. I’m no Harry Potter, the magical Hogwarts doesn’t exist, and really I’ve got nothing at all which sets me apart from the rest of the rabble we call humanity.

I get this feeling every time I watch a movie. It’s like some reaction to seeing greatness. All of a sudden I realise that I’m not doing shit, that I’m just living my life and that I’m not actually making an impact on the world. I start thinking up how cool it would be to build a castle up on some mountain somewhere and open it up as a school for technical wizards. We can teach bright young wizards (aka nerds/dweebs/geeks) how to wrangle the magics of computer wizardry. We could have transfiguration classes which focus on types and polymorphism, defence against the dark arts classes which focus on secure networking, and a virtual world in which magic (i.e. computer skills) are put to the test via duels and CPUidditch (a peculiar game where two teams attempting to guide worms and virus’ into their opponent’s network)….

See I know I’ve got a wicked (as in good) imagination, and I really feel like I should be able to use it somehow. However I can not write (as you can tell) and I can not draw/paint/sculpt etc. I can code, and a little imagination goes a long way when solving problems, but I’m no genius there. Poetry is fun but I don’t have the word-smithing skills needed for that either. I feel like I have a gift, but I’m not using it. And obviously I have deep seated delusions of grandeur which are exposed and raw after I watch a movie.

4 Responses to “PMD (Post Movie Depression)”

  1. grandad Says:

    You’re looking for a dream world that only exists on the movies or in fiction books. If you have good imagination you actually have all the things that you yearn for because they are illusory things imagined by others.
    Active exciting lives are again the things that people select to do, e.g. mountain climbing would be exciting but what about between climbs, raising the funds to equip and organize the climb and all the other mundane things that would have to be done to get up one mountain. Then if you have an accident, what have you to look forward to, people are only keen to listen to tales of action for so long then they get bored. When climbers get old they only have their memories to live off as do we all.
    You should look to your own accomplishments, you have an interesting and challenging job, a beautiful young lady, a happy family group to support you, what more could you need, you must be the envy of a great many people. I know that I envy you, mainly for your youthful exuberance, wait till you get old, then you will, if you’ve spent your younger days wisely, be able to look back and remember all the good times and tell all the youngsters that they don’t know what life is all about! But you don’t get back the ability to repeat the experiences of yesteryear!
    Don’t they have any funny films that you can watch, laughing is really good for getting rid of depressing thoughts, after all it is all one big joke with death having the last laugh!

  2. Gemmell Says:

    Grandad,

    Yeh, comedies don’t leave me in the same mood. It’s just super hero stuff, and I know my life is pretty good. I am damn lucky to be who i am, it’s just that I get absorbed in the movie, get built up and then at the end….

    I do realise that my life is good, but telling yourself that sometimes doesn’t work, you can’t help when you feel a little down – logic doesn’t come into it. You just realise that you’re down and don’t go blaming it on other people or things.

  3. Carlos Says:

    I have the same problem. It’s good to know other people out there experience PMD.

  4. gemmell Says:

    Maybe we should have PMD working groups where we work through our problems. It’ll be all social, we can go have dinner, catch a movie….then have a discussion about how depressed we are.

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