Valediction

To help me to relieve my grief, I return to my blog with this valediction to my late wife. I do this not to raise sympathy but as a way to help myself to put things in perspective and to enable me to accept my loss.

I knew my wife almost all our lives from small children till she died on the 17th December, 2013. We married on the 11th August, 1951, and I have never regretted this decision and never will.

My wife was a loyal, loving, kind, brave lady and she never complained even though the end of her life was far from a comfortable one. She was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease in 1997. Parkinson’s disease is a cruel disease which progressively gets worse and never gives any hope of cure. By 2005, my wife was beginning to fall and had her first major fall that year when she crushed one of her vertebra, this was the beginning of a long life of pain and inconvenience.

In October, 2011 she had a fall and broke her hip and this was the real end of any comfort for my wife. She was never able to again walk with any ease and often fell again and again. She, at her last body scan, had suffered three crushed vertebrae, seven broken ribs, a broken elbow, a broken wrist, and, the broken hip. It must have been hell for her yet she never made a fuss and always tried to be friendly and kind to her visitors and family.

After my wife broke her hip, she needed full care, one on one, and I was lucky enough to be able to provide this care and keep her from having to go into a age care facility. This was a prospect that she was really in great dread of. She had been in a facility for a while when she broke her hip because I was unable to carry out the onerous duties involved. The experience was hard for my wife, not because the facility was bad, but because the state of many of the other residents was so sad that it made my wife afraid that she was looking at her own future degradation. The prospect was not to her liking, she said that she would rather die.

The last two years of my wife’s life were most cruel and very hard to witness, it is heart wrenching to have to watch someone that you love slowly fall apart and suffer. My wife towards the end couldn’t feed herself, clean herself, read, write, stand, put herself to bed, she struggled to try and maintain some dignity but she knew that she was fighting a losing battle. In the end, on the 17th December, she simply said to me, ” Goodbye “, when I asked her why she said this, she replied, ” I am going to die “. She shortly after this, asked me to take her to the toilet. We never got there, she dropped dead on the way. Even in death, my wife was calm and dignified and made no fuss.

It is now some ten weeks since my wife died and as time goes by I more and more realize just what a wonderful lady she was. I realize also that a lot of my grieving is a kind of selfishness and I am missing all the many comforts and love she gave me over the years.

My wife is also greatly missed by her three children, seven grandchildren and six great grandchildren to whom she was always loving and kind and considerate. I offer this farewell also on their behalf.

I make this valedictory statement as a testimony of my love of my beautiful wife, Constance Pamela Tyler nee Almond, and my never ending appreciation of her never failing love and attention throughout our marriage. She made our lives happy and comfortable and secure, Connie may now be dead but her love and kindness will live forever in my heart. Goodbye

If anyone should read this valediction I apologize for any discomfort it may give them, this was not intended to cause sadness to others, it was written purely to salve my own suffering.

I hope in the future to he able to comment more upon the destruction of my country by this vandal government.

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